I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
