Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
