You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
