he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
