I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize