so that wasnt chicken after all
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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