What a fucking waste of an outfit
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
