what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
