oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
