I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
