How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize