You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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