The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
