That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Couch. On fire.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize