Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
