I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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