too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
