so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
