Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
