yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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