that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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