yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
someone threw a dead crab at me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Randomize
