Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
