ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
