I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
