I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
