hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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