Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
