Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This baby is an asshole
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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