if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
