one might say we're banned from that church
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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