whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
