just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
