the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
