Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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