So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
