its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
