six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I touched a dick in church today
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
