That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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