The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
