If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
