Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
