my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
