Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize