id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sorry about my life...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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