I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
