Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize