dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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