Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
