You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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