we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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