Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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