Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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