PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize