At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this beer tastes like vomit already
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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