Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
