***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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