It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
