It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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