Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize