Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
