Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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