I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize