Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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