i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
