Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
