I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
