the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
