She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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