the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
