Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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