I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
